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Faith Identification Cheek Swab Now Being Deployed

Faith Identification Cheek Swab Now Being Deployed

Keeping the public safe means taking a peek around and asking a few questions.  Sometimes we don’t like the answers we get.  We especially don’t like liars.  They pollute our nation and make the job of policing all that much harder.  If we ask you a simple question, we expect a simple answer.  When we’re not satisfied with the answer we get we take things to the next level. With the Boston Bombings a too recent … Read entire article »

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The First Pictures of Kim and Kanye’s Baby!

The First Pictures of Kim and Kanye’s Baby!

The world rejoices in the birth of Kim and Kanye’s new baby girl, and while the hoi polloi waits on bated breath for TMZ and its paparazzos to publish the first out of focus photo of their darling dear, we here at the Gray World Daily are always one step ahead of the curve. Rather than stoop to bribing nurses … Read entire article »

We Need Kill Switches that Can Really Kill

We Need Kill Switches that Can Really Kill

This week Apple announced they plan to include kill switches on their new phones running iOS 7.  We here at the Citizen’s Auxiliary Police are gratified that our work tirelessly campaigning the cell phone companies has paid off, but it still doesn’t go nearly far enough.  Making the phones useless is an important first step, but the only way people will … Read entire article »

How Do We Protect Our Genes in Light of the Supreme Court Patent Ruling? The Dooley Way.

How Do We Protect Our Genes in Light of the Supreme Court Patent Ruling?  The Dooley Way.

Today the Supreme Court dealt a terrible blow to our rights to patent our genes.  While the news services focus on how this might impact medicine and the biotech industry, few seem to realize, as my husband Steve and I do, just how will soon affect the special families such as ours.  How can we protect the superiority of our … Read entire article »

Keep the NSA Out of Our Virtual Bedroom – Join the Class Action Lawsuit!

Keep the NSA Out of Our Virtual Bedroom – Join the Class Action Lawsuit!

With the horrifying revelation just weeks ago by former federal contractor Edward Snowden that the NSA is spying on its own American citizens, embedding their own monitors inside major Internet search  providers, ISPs, and phone companies, I’m sure you stand with me objecting to the government.prying into our private and personal virtual lives. As a building contractor I work hard, going … Read entire article »

Dr. Dowder’s Tornado Prevention Tips

Dr. Dowder’s Tornado Prevention Tips

As a mechanical physics post-doctoral fellow in the physics department of Cal Tech I get to see some pretty radical stuff.  I’ve seen mesons and bosons smashed into infinity by a particle accelerator.  I’ve seen artificially induced chain lightning dancing across my desk like a snake.  But last week I saw one of the most radical things of all, I … Read entire article »

Curing Depression One Woman at a Time

Curing Depression One Woman at a Time

I been saying it for years, people who don’t have sex or use rubbers all the time are messed up.  You gotta have sex, it’s natural, and good for you.  And this week the president-elect of the American College of Surgeons got in major trouble for letting everybody know that studies prove me right.  Back in 2002 a study in … Read entire article »

We’re Going to Shut Down Wikileaks at the ISP Level

We’re Going to Shut Down Wikileaks at the ISP Level

WikiLeaks is in the news again today, revealing secrets about the detention facilities in Guantanamo Bay. As fellow patriotic Americans I’m sure you’re as outraged as I am by their treacherous revelations. The government has so far been unwilling or unable to take action against them, so my lawyer, Delores Blasingame, and I are preparing to go into … Read entire article »

Controlling Pet Populations with Tasers

Controlling Pet Populations with Tasers

My background is in mechanical physics, but I’ve got a fellow researcher and friend, Toby Bo, who works in biotechnology. Sometimes on Friday nights after work we like to get a little crazy, you know, smoke a little herb, drink a little Bud, and play some practical jokes on each other. On a Friday last September we were … Read entire article »

Safety Tips for College Ladies

Safety Tips for College Ladies

Every few months for the last ten years we here at the Citizen’s Auxiliary Police have been invited to various local colleges to put on women’s safety seminars.  The hour long seminars myself and Major Elvis Newton provide are designed to help reduce the disproportionate incidence of crimes committed against these fine girls.  We’ve been asked back year and year … Read entire article »