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Gray World Daily – An Unofficial Part of the Phil Hendrie Universe » Bobbie Dooley, Featured » How Do We Protect Our Genes in Light of the Supreme Court Patent Ruling? The Dooley Way.

How Do We Protect Our Genes in Light of the Supreme Court Patent Ruling? The Dooley Way.

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Today the Supreme Court dealt a terrible blow to our rights to patent our genes.  While the news services focus on how this might impact medicine and the biotech industry, few seem to realize, as my husband Steve and I do, just how will soon affect the special families such as ours.  How can we protect the superiority of our genes when just anybody can come along and use them to do whatever they want?

As leaders in our community, the envy of our fellow residents, the parents of three handsome boys, my husband and I know how very much people want to be like us.  But the simple fact of the matter is they can’t, and they just need to accept that.  They should take no comfort from today’s miscarriage of justice, my family’s genes are still off limits.  I’ll see to that.

I knew from the moment I saw my husband-to-be Steve that I wanted his wildly successful genes to merge with mine.  And our three sons, Seth, Dylan, and Justin, are the proof in the pudding.  My family’s legacy of good breeding mixed with Steve’s family’s legacy of good breeding, produced some very fine young men, and when it’s time they will go on to continue our family’s fine tradition.  And while we will make sure no undesirables get a hold of our boys, we needed more to protect our heritage, we needed this patent protection to prevent people from stealing our well cultivated genes from us unaware.  Every day we read more stories about advances in the uses of DNA and cloning.  Just last week they announced they could get DNA from a 10,000 year old woolly mammoth and would soon be able to clone it.  How much longer will it be before some young, undeserving hussy can steal a few skin cells from one of my innocent boys and clone him or worse yet mix his DNA with her own to make a baby.  With patent protection we could have ensured that nobody could use our genes without our express written permission.

We feared this day would come. We began making preparations months ago, doing the research necessary to protect ourselves in the event that our government wouldn’t.  We hope this helps your family as it does ours.

The Dooley Way to No DNA

 

Step 1: Exfoliate Now so you Won’t Exfoliate Later!

Before leaving the house, every member of the Dooley household takes a hot shower and uses a loofah all over their entire body to get rid of all those pesky skin cells that are just waiting to fall off and be collected by some undeserving tramp.  We learned this from a pamphlet by Dr. Adenauer from the Bonn Institute who showed it reduced skin cell shedding by 99.4%!  Anyone trying to collect skin cells we leave behind are more likely to pick up ones from our dogs, Boomer and Sandy!

Step 2: Eating Out?  Bring your Own Straw and Utensils!

If you’re out in public or at a friend’s house and need to eat or drink something, it’s critical you use your own utensils and don’t put your lip on that glass, use a straw!  We recommend this set of utensils, which fold up nicely.  And make sure you take your utensils and straw with you when you leave!  (We talked to Steve’s cousin who is a cop and he said you didn’t need to worry about the plate or cup because the DNA left is too contaminated.)

Step 3: “Flush Four Our Family!”

It is so important that everyone conducts their “business” within the safety of home.  But, sometimes things happen.  If my boys have to use the potty when we’re out I make sure they know observe our rule and flush four times.  This repeated flushing cleanses the bowl and ensures that nobody can recover what isn’t theirs!  I make my boys repeat after me, ”Flush Four Our Family!” before they go in.

 

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